Remote Control Episode 1 – 8/28/2014 – #swegstorm

Are you ready for some football? Here we go. Starting with Texas A&M and South Carolina.

6:02 p.m. – Duhrood – Swegstorm

6:06 p.m. – Given the issues ESPN is having getting cable companies to carry the SEC Network, this could be the smallest audience Brent Musberger will have ever broadcast to.

6:08 p.m. – There was almost no pressure by the Gamecocks on that drive. Texas A&M offense sans Manziel (Sanziel?) > South Carolina defense sans Cl- oh, for God’s sake, replay while I’m typing this?

6:09 p.m. – Right call, and gratuitous name drop of the producer to boot.

6:11 p.m. – As I was saying, Texas A&M offense sans Manziel > South Carolina defense sans Clowney.

6:12 p.m. – If there were other games going on right now, this would be the point where I change channels and start blogging another game. Alas, we wait out a Hardee’s commercial.

6:15 p.m. – Well, that pass… sucked…

6:20 p.m. – This is not how the ninth-ranked team in the nation should be performing in its home opener.

6:23 p.m. – Can somebody explain to me the random chairs dispersed among the benches in the stands?

6:27 p.m. – Even when the Gamecocks bring pressure, the Aggies get positive yardage, and, in this case, another first down.

6:30 p.m. – Too easy, and then too fancy.

6:33 p.m. – This Snackeez commercial is the most unnecessarily enthusiastic ad since Ovaltine.

6:34 p.m. – He’s human!

6:39 p.m. – Well, that’ll finally wake up the fans. 10-6.

6:42 p.m. – #swegstorm

6:44 p.m.  – Hey look! Defense!

6:52 p.m. – The second quarter opens with a painful reminder of what most of the game has been like for SC thus far.

6:55 p.m. –  I feel like A&M should be up 21-7 right now given how they’ve been moving the ball.

7:00 p.m. – At the next commercial we’re going to Wake Forest and ULM.

7:01 p.m. – That was the most awkward touchdown celebration shot I’ve ever seen. Stop staring at the dude’s junk, camera guy.

7:03 p.m. – I’ll tell you who doesn’t like Duck Dynasty. Me. I have standards.

7:04 p.m. – I’m on the fence about ULM’s camo uniforms. I’ll defer to Paul Lukas.

7:06 p.m. – I hope you folks realize I’m not exactly expecting much from this game…

7:09 p.m. – And I certainly wasn’t expecting that punt block!

7:11 p.m. – Back to A&M and SC. #swegstorm

7:12 p.m. – Solution for SC’s offense? Throw the deep ball! That’s the only way their offense has been working thus far, it seems.

7:18 p.m. – “Gamecocks have no answer on defense.” – Creepy Uncle Brent Musberger

7:18 p.m. – Back to Wake/ULM.

7:20 p.m. – I think there should be a rule that says “If your last name is Chubb, you have to be an offensive lineman or nose tackle.” At least Jumbo Elliot had the decency to be an offensive lineman.

7:22 p.m.

7:23 p.m. – Did you just say ULM has no punt or field goal team?

7:27 p.m. – Back to A&M/SC. Alabama and LSU are probably watching this game and thinking to themselves, “Is this the object of this game?”

7:28 p.m. – I know the defender had his back turned to the ball, but I wouldn’t necessarily call that interference… slapfighting on the ball doesn’t warrant interference in my book.

7:30 p.m. – As a gamer, whenever I see Jordan Mastrogiovanni’s name, I immediately think of Giovanni from the original Pokemon games. “Master Giovanni”? I wonder if he got any Team Rocket jokes when he was young.

7:39 p.m. – Kenny Hill is putting on a damn clinic right now. This is how the 2-minute drill is run, kids.

7:42 p.m. – You run all those passes, you get the defense to back off, and then BANG – option pitch. Getting pretty quiet in Columbia.

7:46 p.m. – That’s a pretty healthy hit. I wonder if that could be the difference in the game down the line.

7:49 p.m. – Well, I wouldn’t want to be in the South Carolina locker room at halftime.

7:58 p.m. – This has been a really iffy night for the ULM punter. So much for being on the Ray Guy Award watchlist. All right, now let’s go to Boise State and Ole Miss.

7:59 p.m. – That Johnny Manziel/Roger Staubach promo was pretty good…

8:02 p.m. – Quick plug for SportsPlays.com – free sports picks game where you can win real money – I’m picking Boise State +10.5 in this game. Click here to get started!

8:07 p.m. – Wow, there are more Boise State fans at this game than I thought, especially considering it looks like the entire upper deck is empty.

8:09 p.m. – Boise State? Defense? Blasphemy!

8:17 p.m. – Oof, I felt that hit. Keith Lewis!

8:19 p.m. – On to Tulane and Tulsa. Everyone from the American moved to the ACC, everyone from Conference USA moved to the American, and everyone from the Sun Belt moved to Conference USA. Realignment’s a hell of a drug.

8:21 p.m. – Back to Boise State/Ole Miss. Once again, Boise State showing signs of actual defense!

8:25 p.m. – “Disqualified from the contest”? Can’t you just say “ejected”? This is college football, man.

8:28 p.m. – Well, while this fumble call gets overturned, we go back to A&M/SC. And the Old Ball Coach™ is in a pretty deep hole that I don’t think he’s going to get out of.

8:34 p.m. – If the Gamecocks somehow win this game, Kevin Sumlin is going to have to teach his defensive backs to defend passes like soccer players in the goal box and tuck their hands in.

8:36 p.m. – Back to Tulane and Tulsa, which is looking more like an SEC game score-wise than A&M/SC.

8:38 p.m. – Five false starts in the first quarter on Ole Miss? This is practically a home game!

8:42 p.m. – While Boise State hasn’t exactly been in Cinderella status for a few years now, the disrespect towards the mid-majors still remains.

8:47 p.m. – What did I say about Boise State’s defense?

8:51 p.m. – That makes two passes to the end zone that could easily be reviewed, but that one was definitely in. And there’s still plenty of time left… but SC’s defense needs to play MUCH better.

8:53 p.m. – #swegstorm

8:56 p.m. – Only took them three hours, but the Gamecocks have apparently learned to play defense.

8:59 p.m. – Well, there are worse moments to throw a pick, but there aren’t many of them.

9:01 p.m. – If Michael Cole were calling this game – “Vintage Boise State!”

9:04 p.m. – Ian Johnson is not walking through that door.

9:08 p.m. – I don’t think we’re going to see Vanderbilt and Temple any time soon. Then again, who would want to?

9:09 p.m. – I woudn’t put it past SC to put up 24 points in 12 minutes, but if their defense isn’t going to pick up the slack, then the fans leaving early are justified.

9:13 p.m. – Aussie Aussie Aussie!

9:17 p.m. – Ole Miss is lucky to be leading at this point. Both QBs have thrown three picks each? Bring in the backups.

9:21 p.m. – Then again, if the Rebels are hitting that hard (especially on these last two plays) , it shouldn’t be that surprising they’re in the lead.

9:29 p.m. – Great interview there with Devon Walker. He and Eric LeGrand are great reminders that injuries like theirs don’t take away your value to society.

9:32 p.m. – Looks like Tulane is going to run away with this battle of the colored weather phenomena.

9:35 p.m. – With strong weather in the Nashville area, looks like I’m in live blogging purgatory for a little while.

9:40 p.m. – Shows what I know about Tulsa football.

9:46 p.m. – Break time! But for how long?

9:55 p.m. – All right, football again! This Boise State/Ole Miss game still sucks though.

9:58 p.m. – I know I’m really late to the party on this topic, but has anyone else noticed how much Boise State’s uniforms look like Florida’s?

10:08 p.m. – I know my rule is to only change the game when the current one goes to commercial, but I’m ready to switch off Boise State/Ole Miss right now.

10:10 p.m. – Ugh, finally, Rutgers and Washington State. (Never thought I’d say that.)

10:13 p.m. – Three things I don’t like about this game: 1) Rutgers’ helmets, 2) Washington State playing a home game in Seattle, and 3) Rutgers in the B1G.

10:16 p.m. – I forgot Wake/ULM was going on, but it’s about to end, so whatever.

10:18 p.m. – Back to Rutgers/WSU. Not exactly the highest-caliber B1G/Pac-12 matchup…

10:22 p.m. – Jeez, no wonder this Rutgers QB got benched for three games last year.

10:28 p.m. – After an uneventful end to the third quarter of Boise State/Ole Miss, it’s back to Rutgers/Washington State. Speaking of unremarkable…

10:34 p.m. – You know, folks, after 4 hours and 32 minutes, I think I’m going to call it a night. I didn’t go insane, but the games have slowly become more unwatchable. See you Saturday.

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